Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
