ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I have feelings that need drinking.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
