puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
