tell your sister to shave her snatch
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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