Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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