Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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