Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
