i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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