Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
