You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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