First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
