im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
