I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
