"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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