Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
