so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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