She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
