I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
