try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
