i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
