I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
