I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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