the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
