I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
