Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The Olympian is in my bed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
