I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
