What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
