He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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