he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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