just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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