hotel room ftw
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you would pick up someone in the library
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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