We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
