the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
