sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
