it was like eating out sand paper
it was like having sex with a tree stump
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
