I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
