my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
