Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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