I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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