So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
