It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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