I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Your cock deserves a montage
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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