Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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