While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
