Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
