ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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