What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
