the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
