i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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