I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
