well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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