is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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