I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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