Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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