I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
