everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Your cock deserves a montage
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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