Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
