apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
