I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
