I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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