I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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