I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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