This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
