1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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