you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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