Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
