Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
