Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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